Then came the hospital with unbearable mental and physical suffering. The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. Even in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print an account of the Wright brothers first successful flight at Kitty Hawk. Referring to our list again. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. I have seen men come out of asylums and resume a vital place in the lives of their families and communities. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. We could make few social engagements. If his mood is light, tell him humorous stories of your escapades. Then they outlined the spiritual answer and program of action which a hundred of them had followed successfully. There are over 38,000 passages like the examples shown above. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to a test among his patients and certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. He might be shocked if he knew how much alcoholism is costing his organization a year. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result. 
We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it. Successful readjustment means the opposite. I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places. Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. There is a real interest, both humanitarian and business, in the well-being of employees. Nonsense. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can-if he is not too alcoholic. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. This may hang on for months, long after their mother has accepted dads new way of living and thinking. That was in June, 1935. Be satisfied he is not deceiving himself or you. Provided as 7th Tradition Software by The Anonymous Press PO Box 1212 Malo WA 99150 Chapter 1: Bill's Story Chapter 2: There is a Solution Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism Chapter 4: We Agnostics Chapter 5: How it Works Chapter 6: Into Action Chapter 7: Working with Others Be determined that your husbands drinking is not going to spoil your relations with your children or your friends. He shouted great tidings. Drinkers like to help other drinkers. Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can. Selecting a church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver. I was at one time assistant manager of a corporation department employing sixty-six hundred men. I rightly imagined that they would some day have a great rise. Im afraid to go out the door. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Henry Ford once made a wise remark to the effect that experience is the thing of supreme value in life. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, I dont miss it at all. It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. He thought all alcoholics should constantly have chocolate available for its quick energy value at times of fatigue. We make this recommendation with some confidence. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. It addresses people who have concerns about a God or a higher power. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. How true this is, few realize. He was on thin ice. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. As Gods people we stand on our feet; we dont crawl before anyone. This case contains a powerful lesson. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful! As our husbands began to apply spiritual principles in their lives, we began to see the desirability of doing so too. A Better Approach to Mental Health & Addiction Recovery. To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. 
Almost invariably they got drunk. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. He had that starry-eyed look. The book is spiral bound to lay flat and the cover is laminated for durability. He admits this is true, but is positive that he will do better. We are people who normally would not mix. The cheery voice of an old school friend asked if he might come over. Historical romances at Harlequin will run to 75,000 words, but everywhere else theyre longer. The First 164 Pages. Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. How to use the twelve steps is explained using examples and anecdotes. There had been much happiness after all. He got drunk. Since this book was first published, A.A. has released thousands of alcoholics from asylums and hospitals of every kind. If this presents difficulty, re-reading chapters two and three, where the alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. But his face falls when we speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we have re- opened a subject which our man thought he had neatly evaded or entirely ignored. He now returned home, leaving behind his first acquaintance, the lawyer and the devil-may-care chap. Cling to the thought that, in Gods hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have-the key to life and happiness for others. But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. We gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle, the sidecar stuffed with tent, blankets, a change of clothes, and three huge volumes of a financial commission should be appointed. He lost the race by only a narrow margin. Let him decide for himself. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. Shipping is FREE when purchasing three (3) or more copies shipped within the United States. Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? As non-denominational people, we cannot make up others minds for them. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re- emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Often you must carry the burden of avoiding them or keeping them under control. Then a mental fog settled down. Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with? We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. What irony-I became an alcoholic myself! Then, in this eastern city, there are informal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may now see scores of members. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially-if he means business. Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. To me these occurrences are phenomena. If the book is read the moment the patient is able, while acutely depressed, realization of his condition may come to him. He was as much a fact as we were. (1939) The authorities were much concerned. When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. Have you a sufficient substitute?. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. More information is contained in the "Using this Book" chapter of 164 and and More. You draw more and more into yourself and you think everyone is talking about conditions at your home. Whether you are a hard drinker, a moderate drinker or a teetotaler, you may have some pretty strong opinions, perhaps prejudices. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. He too, has become a respected and useful member of his community. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. We came to live almost alone. Instead, the problem has been removed. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. It is open, we believe, to all men. With this attitude you cannot fail. WebSo Bill and Hank Parkhurst (The Unbeliever in the first edition) went to Cornwall to see Blackwell. Had we fully understood the nature of the alcoholic illness, we might have behaved differently. Im a goner. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. This is the how and why of it. Show him that as alcoholics, the writers of the book understand. We are without defense against the first drink. You may think this an extreme case. Seeing this, and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. There are many. Many of Alcoholics Anonymous were like that. A pivotal decision was made in 95: The first 164 pages of the Big Book, the Forwards, The Doctors Opinion, Doctor Bobs Nightmare, and the Appendices [will] remain the same, which was not reversed during Advisory Actions in 97, 98, 99, and 2000, leading up to publication of the 4th Edition of the Big Book in 2001. He may wish to do a lot for other alcoholics and something of the sort may come up during business hours. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. He is a good salesman. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. Had not all efforts at flight failed before? It is a design for living that works in rough going. I felt like Napoleon returning from Elba. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else? He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. He is always more or less insanely drunk. But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them. Where were we to blame? But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. He becomes a religious enthusiast. We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. Still physically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. So, you see, there were three alcoholics in that town, who now felt they had to give to others what they had found, or be sunk. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. As a moderate drinker, you can take your liquor or leave it alone. My first sponsor, Rob, was getting the Saturday AA meeting ready by himself when I showed up there. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself. The family of an alcoholic longs for the return of happiness and security. He never drank again. Some of them rose out of ignorance of alcoholism. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day Thy will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We suggest you draw the book to the attention of the doctor who is to attend your patient during treatment. We agnostically inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal which does not lend itself to reasonable approach and interpretation. I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Why not bring him into contact with some of our alcoholic crowd? Was I crazy? But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. Because of the employees special ability, or of his own strong personal attachment to him, the employer has sometimes kept such a man at work long beyond a reasonable period. I was not an atheist. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. This may seem severe, but it is usually the best course. Avoid urging him to follow our program. To you, some of the ideas which it contains are novel. A doctor said to us, Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. Say that you believe he is a gravely ill person, with this qualification- being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well? Yet you must not expect too much. Perhaps they created the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him. Our actor is self-centered-ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Sometimes they demand that dad bring them back instantly! As in war, the victor only seemed to win. They are all disappointed, and often let him feel it. Childhood memories rose before me. And so it had been ever since. Usually we did not leave. Certainly I was interested. That was a great physicians opinion. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. Your desire to protect him should not cause you to lie to people when they have a right to know were he is and what he is doing. What about people who proved that man could never fly? When this happens, they can be invited to join in morning meditation and then they can take part in the daily discussion without rancor or bias. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It is possible to have a full and useful life, though your husband continues to drink. He had come to pass his experience along to me-if I cared to have it. We know how he feels. Yes, the old boy was on fire all right. We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be overcome. And then the book begins to give a solution to If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Average novel word counts are generally around 85,000 but they can range from 50,000 to 120,000. The unexpected result was that our husbands seemed to like it. Thats me. To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. We have not even sworn off. More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. And then the book begins to give a solution to Some of us have been violently anti- religious. It poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. But you had better hang on to it. It didnt work. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow-sufferers. If he temporizes and still thinks he can ever drink again, even beer, he might as well be discharged after the next bender which, if an alcoholic, he is almost certain to have. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. You would suppose that men in the fourth classification would be quite hopeless, but that is not so. And then the book begins to give a solution to Here difficulty arises with agnostics. Dont start out as an evangelist or reformer. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. He had been thinking it over. So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. When dealing with such a person, you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at the minute; and this was none at all. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital. Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder, my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill. Then I got a promising business opportunity. Dad is not so spiritual after all, they say. I saw that growth could start from that point. Meanwhile you might try to help the wife of another serious drinker. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. Everybody likes him. Why does he? They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the mans family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering. Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. The electrons themselves seemed more intelligent than that. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. So two bottles, and-oblivion. The book is spiral bound to lay flat and the cover is laminated for durability. Nothing would fix me. But we could not. He may, for example, reveal that he has padded his expense account or that he has planned to take your best customers away from you. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face- to-face combat. Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Should I kill myself? Bill's Story and Dr. Bob's Nightmare and the personal experiences of some alcoholics are detailed as well as the series of solutions which evolved to become the twelve-step program. While on the subject of confidence, can you adopt the attitude that so far as you are concerned this will be a strictly personal matter, that his alcoholic derelictions, the treatment about to be undertaken, will never be discussed without his consent? The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. It is the proper use of the will. But hes a grand chap when hes sober, though hes been in here eight times in the last six months. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. But sometimes you must start life anew. There is a solution. There is doubt about that. 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We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it. Successful readjustment means the opposite. I became an unwelcome hanger-on at brokerage places. Perhaps there never will be a full answer to these questions. There is a real interest, both humanitarian and business, in the well-being of employees. Nonsense. If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can-if he is not too alcoholic. Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas: (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. This may hang on for months, long after their mother has accepted dads new way of living and thinking. That was in June, 1935. Be satisfied he is not deceiving himself or you. Provided as 7th Tradition Software by The Anonymous Press PO Box 1212 Malo WA 99150 Chapter 1: Bill's Story Chapter 2: There is a Solution Chapter 3: More About Alcoholism Chapter 4: We Agnostics Chapter 5: How it Works Chapter 6: Into Action Chapter 7: Working with Others Be determined that your husbands drinking is not going to spoil your relations with your children or your friends. He shouted great tidings. Drinkers like to help other drinkers. Those of us who travel drop in as often as we can. Selecting a church at random from the directory, he stepped into a booth and lifted the receiver. I was at one time assistant manager of a corporation department employing sixty-six hundred men. I rightly imagined that they would some day have a great rise. Im afraid to go out the door. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Henry Ford once made a wise remark to the effect that experience is the thing of supreme value in life. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves. Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, I dont miss it at all. It was his first experience of this kind, and he was much ashamed of it. He thought all alcoholics should constantly have chocolate available for its quick energy value at times of fatigue. We make this recommendation with some confidence. Plenty of difficulties presented themselves. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. It addresses people who have concerns about a God or a higher power. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. How true this is, few realize. He was on thin ice. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. As Gods people we stand on our feet; we dont crawl before anyone. This case contains a powerful lesson. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol, are on the wrong track. Remember that we deal with alcohol cunning, baffling, powerful! As our husbands began to apply spiritual principles in their lives, we began to see the desirability of doing so too. A Better Approach to Mental Health & Addiction Recovery. To all appearance he is a stable, well balanced individual. Almost invariably they got drunk. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. He had that starry-eyed look. The book is spiral bound to lay flat and the cover is laminated for durability. He admits this is true, but is positive that he will do better. We are people who normally would not mix. The cheery voice of an old school friend asked if he might come over. Historical romances at Harlequin will run to 75,000 words, but everywhere else theyre longer. The First 164 Pages. Maybe the doctor has been called in, and the weary round of sanitariums and hospitals has begun. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. How to use the twelve steps is explained using examples and anecdotes. There had been much happiness after all. He got drunk. Since this book was first published, A.A. has released thousands of alcoholics from asylums and hospitals of every kind. If this presents difficulty, re-reading chapters two and three, where the alcoholic sickness is discussed at length might be worth while. He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. But his face falls when we speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we have re- opened a subject which our man thought he had neatly evaded or entirely ignored. He now returned home, leaving behind his first acquaintance, the lawyer and the devil-may-care chap. Cling to the thought that, in Gods hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have-the key to life and happiness for others. But the program of action, though entirely sensible, was pretty drastic. We gave up our positions and off we roared on a motorcycle, the sidecar stuffed with tent, blankets, a change of clothes, and three huge volumes of a financial commission should be appointed. He lost the race by only a narrow margin. Let him decide for himself. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. Shipping is FREE when purchasing three (3) or more copies shipped within the United States. Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? As non-denominational people, we cannot make up others minds for them. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re- emphasize, to smash home upon our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drinking career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Often you must carry the burden of avoiding them or keeping them under control. Then a mental fog settled down. Both saw that they must keep spiritually active. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off, for he has helped you more than you have helped him. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Was it our self-esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with? We should not talk incessantly to them about spiritual matters. Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few simple requirements. What irony-I became an alcoholic myself! Then, in this eastern city, there are informal meetings such as we have described to you, where you may now see scores of members. No one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially-if he means business. Before taking drastic action which might implicate other people we secure their consent. To me these occurrences are phenomena. If the book is read the moment the patient is able, while acutely depressed, realization of his condition may come to him. He was as much a fact as we were. (1939) The authorities were much concerned. When our friend related his experience, the man agreed that no amount of will power he might muster could stop his drinking for long. Have you a sufficient substitute?. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic! So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. More information is contained in the "Using this Book" chapter of 164 and and More. You draw more and more into yourself and you think everyone is talking about conditions at your home. Whether you are a hard drinker, a moderate drinker or a teetotaler, you may have some pretty strong opinions, perhaps prejudices. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. He too, has become a respected and useful member of his community. Let him know you are available if he wishes to make a decision and tell his story, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. We came to live almost alone. Instead, the problem has been removed. Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose. Never mind the musty past; here sat a miracle directly across the kitchen table. It is open, we believe, to all men. With this attitude you cannot fail. WebSo Bill and Hank Parkhurst (The Unbeliever in the first edition) went to Cornwall to see Blackwell. Had we fully understood the nature of the alcoholic illness, we might have behaved differently. Im a goner. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. This is the how and why of it. Show him that as alcoholics, the writers of the book understand. We are without defense against the first drink. You may think this an extreme case. Seeing this, and meaning to be helpful, his wife commenced to admonish him about it. His disposition while drinking resembles his normal nature but little. After the sermon, he quietly got up and made an explanation. Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. There are many. Many of Alcoholics Anonymous were like that. A pivotal decision was made in 95: The first 164 pages of the Big Book, the Forwards, The Doctors Opinion, Doctor Bobs Nightmare, and the Appendices [will] remain the same, which was not reversed during Advisory Actions in 97, 98, 99, and 2000, leading up to publication of the 4th Edition of the Big Book in 2001. He may wish to do a lot for other alcoholics and something of the sort may come up during business hours. When the thought was expressed that there might be a God personal to me this feeling was intensified. Whether the family goes on a spiritual basis or not, the alcoholic member has to if he would recover. I had had some success at speculation, so we had a little money, but we once worked on a farm for a month to avoid drawing on our small capital. He is a good salesman. Our friends have counseled chucking the men and we have done so with finality, only to be back in a little while hoping, always hoping. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. Had not all efforts at flight failed before? It is a design for living that works in rough going. I felt like Napoleon returning from Elba. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help. How can such a lack of proportion, of the ability to think straight, be called anything else? He had lived there but a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. He is always more or less insanely drunk. But those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them. Where were we to blame? But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. He becomes a religious enthusiast. We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. Still physically weak, and sober but a few months, he saw that his predicament was dangerous. So, you see, there were three alcoholics in that town, who now felt they had to give to others what they had found, or be sunk. They should wait for the end of his next drinking bout. As a moderate drinker, you can take your liquor or leave it alone. My first sponsor, Rob, was getting the Saturday AA meeting ready by himself when I showed up there. This process snuffed out the last flicker of conviction that I could do the job myself. The family of an alcoholic longs for the return of happiness and security. He never drank again. Some of them rose out of ignorance of alcoholism. When he angers you, remember that he is very ill. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day Thy will be done. We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We suggest you draw the book to the attention of the doctor who is to attend your patient during treatment. We agnostically inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal which does not lend itself to reasonable approach and interpretation. I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I? Why not bring him into contact with some of our alcoholic crowd? Was I crazy? But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worse matters got. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. Because of the employees special ability, or of his own strong personal attachment to him, the employer has sometimes kept such a man at work long beyond a reasonable period. I was not an atheist. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. This may seem severe, but it is usually the best course. Avoid urging him to follow our program. To you, some of the ideas which it contains are novel. A doctor said to us, Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. Say that you believe he is a gravely ill person, with this qualification- being perhaps fatally ill, does he want to get well? Yet you must not expect too much. Perhaps they created the impression that he is to be wrapped in cotton wool and placed on a pedestal. You will thus get a better idea of how you ought to proceed. Our next thought is that you should never tell him what he must do about his drinking. A man so involved often feels very remorseful at times, especially if he is married to a loyal and courageous girl who has literally gone through hell for him. Our actor is self-centered-ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Sometimes they demand that dad bring them back instantly! As in war, the victor only seemed to win. They are all disappointed, and often let him feel it. Childhood memories rose before me. And so it had been ever since. Usually we did not leave. Certainly I was interested. That was a great physicians opinion. This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. Your desire to protect him should not cause you to lie to people when they have a right to know were he is and what he is doing. What about people who proved that man could never fly? When this happens, they can be invited to join in morning meditation and then they can take part in the daily discussion without rancor or bias. Show him the mental twist which leads to the first drink of a spree. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It is possible to have a full and useful life, though your husband continues to drink. He had come to pass his experience along to me-if I cared to have it. We know how he feels. Yes, the old boy was on fire all right. We want to leave you with the feeling that no situation is too difficult and no unhappiness too great to be overcome. And then the book begins to give a solution to If you ask him why he started on that last bender, the chances are he will offer you any one of a hundred alibis. Average novel word counts are generally around 85,000 but they can range from 50,000 to 120,000. The unexpected result was that our husbands seemed to like it. Thats me. To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. If he is lukewarm or thinks he is not an alcoholic, we suggest you leave him alone. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of this strangely assorted crowd. My brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. You may think our illustration is too ridiculous. We have not even sworn off. More than most people, the alcoholic leads a double life. And then the book begins to give a solution to Some of us have been violently anti- religious. It poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. But you had better hang on to it. It didnt work. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Those of us who live in large cities are overcome by the reflection that close by hundreds are dropping into oblivion every day. They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow-sufferers. If he temporizes and still thinks he can ever drink again, even beer, he might as well be discharged after the next bender which, if an alcoholic, he is almost certain to have. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action. You would suppose that men in the fourth classification would be quite hopeless, but that is not so. And then the book begins to give a solution to Here difficulty arises with agnostics. Dont start out as an evangelist or reformer. Ministers and doctors are competent and you can learn much from them if you wish, but it happens that because of your own drinking experience you can be uniquely useful to other alcoholics. He had been thinking it over. So we shall describe some of the mental states that precede a relapse into drinking, for obviously this is the crux of the problem. He had, of course, the familiar alcoholic obsession that few knew of his drinking. When dealing with such a person, you had better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There had been no more power in him than there was in me at the minute; and this was none at all. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital. Whether we agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make little difference. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. The house was taken over by the mortgage holder, my mother-in-law died, my wife and father-in-law became ill. Then I got a promising business opportunity. Dad is not so spiritual after all, they say. I saw that growth could start from that point. Meanwhile you might try to help the wife of another serious drinker. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. One day I walked into a cafe to telephone. Everybody likes him. Why does he? They experienced a few distressing failures, but in those cases they made an effort to bring the mans family into a spiritual way of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering. Your husband will see at once that he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. The electrons themselves seemed more intelligent than that. We hope no one will consider these self-revealing accounts in bad taste. So two bottles, and-oblivion. The book is spiral bound to lay flat and the cover is laminated for durability. Nothing would fix me. But we could not. He may, for example, reveal that he has padded his expense account or that he has planned to take your best customers away from you. A spiritual experience, he conceded, was absolutely necessary, but the price seemed high upon the basis suggested. Good generalship may decide that the problem be attacked on the flank rather than risk a face- to-face combat. Now these are commonplace observations on drinkers which we hear all the time. Should I kill myself? Bill's Story and Dr. Bob's Nightmare and the personal experiences of some alcoholics are detailed as well as the series of solutions which evolved to become the twelve-step program. While on the subject of confidence, can you adopt the attitude that so far as you are concerned this will be a strictly personal matter, that his alcoholic derelictions, the treatment about to be undertaken, will never be discussed without his consent? The very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. It is the proper use of the will. But hes a grand chap when hes sober, though hes been in here eight times in the last six months. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. The husband begins to feel lonely, sorry for himself. This brings to mind a story about one of our friends. But sometimes you must start life anew. There is a solution. There is doubt about that. In the past, Ive seen numbers ranging Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator. It means release from care, boredom and worry. I ordered a whiskey and poured it into the milk. To leave you with the certainty and majesty of a spree may be mean, egotistical selfish... 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